I'm usually oblivious to World AIDS Day. For some reason, I've only noticed by hearing the odd news blurb on TV or seeing some sort of poster about it on the streets of New York City. Maybe this year is different because I'm currently in the UK (again) and its the headline of several major newspapers. I also got an email from a friend here in the UK this morning commenting on the fact that its World AIDS Day and maybe he should try to do something, rather than sit back and just take notice.

So, its hit me differently this year than it has in the past. The most significant way is that I found myself remembering all those friends and acquantainces I lost, so long ago. Then also thinking about the numbers in the newspaper and thinking about what 40 million AIDS cases really meant. Then I thought this is crazy. Should I only remember those that have succumb to AIDS once a year? It just seems so much bigger than that.

I came of age in the early 80's in San Francisco, which at the time was nearly the epicenter of the disease. I can remember the full course of first hearing about the gay cancer (I was probably 16 then) and then GRID - and ofcourse that it was probably something in the poppers that everyone was snorting in those days. I worked in a couple of gay bars in SF in the late 80's and I can't even count the number of folks I knew who passed away then.

Now its all a distant memory, now and then I feel like I have some sort of survivors guilt, but mostly I'm glad I lived through it and I'm thankful for the life I have. I think I am a better person for having gotten through it, as much as I hate thinking about it. Its just insane to me that its still a world wide epidemic, that communities are going through the intenseness of illness and then loss over and over again. And for what? With Anti-RetroVirals around, all the death that occurs now is really so the pharmaceutical companies can make a profit.

What is glaringly clear to me though, is the reason I'm thinking about it today, is because I'm now working with HIV/AIDS advocacy groups in my job with Tactical Tech. I've spent the last nine months or so working on a project that I can connect to in a very personal way, but really haven't - working more systematically and removed from the issue itself. And for some reason today, I'm connecting to it in a way I hadn't before.